In December I moved my site to
www.lostndebt.savingadvice.com
I have successfully settled with all my creditors but one since that time.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Debt Settlement Update
I haven't said much lately about my credit card situation and thought that maybe you'd like to know what has been happening. First of all, my phone has been ringing daily, I still have four creditors with 7 credit cards that are calling. I have my answering machine set up so I don't hear the constant ringing, but I can see from caller ID, they are calling.
I have been sick since last Sunday with that horrid flu and today I'm not much better still. I did talk to my creditors the week before I got sick just to let them know I was here and waiting to settle with them.
What I have learned from this experience is that there are policies within each credit card company and you have to wait until you are at least 120 days past due before they will negotiate a settlement. I'm not 120 days past due yet, I'm only a little over 90 days and less on some cards.
This whole thing seems like it has been an eternity, probably because I saw my falling last October and have been worrying relentlessly ever since. I've made offers to two of my large accounts; one wrote to me that they were unable to settle at this point and thanked me for my good faith effort to settle this account and the other told me I was not eligible yet. So I asked the collection person what they meant by "I'm not eligible yet, did it have to be a number of days?" She said, "you've got it" and then I said, "how many days, 120 days?" and she said, "you said it", I guess we are talking in code because this is a company secret. So two weeks into April I will be 120 days on one of my accounts and I am going to make the offer and see if I am now "Eligble". I will be so glad when this is over so I can move on with my life.
I was offered a new job a few weeks ago, but had to decline because my credit is a mess and in my business, "Credit is Character"; they would not have hired me if they had seen my credit. Even after I have cleaned this mess up, I am going to have to wait until my credit score goes up before I can apply elsewhere and it will be embarrassing to explain that I was overextended and had to take this approach. With the housing market not budging, I may have to take a different job and it would probably be in sales, because I could never work in an office again and be stuck to a desk, I've been on my own for years and it's a scarey thought that I would be confined in an office cubicle.
So the saga continues and hopefully, by June, this whole thing will come to a closure. In the meantime, I hope the housing market opens up. I was unable to pay my mortgages this month and am having to use money from my debt settlement account to pay them; that is not good, I need that money to settle this mess.
I have a car I'm planning on selling and hope to take that out of storage this week and get it to a garage so he can get it repaired and put on his lot to sell for me; there has been so much snow I haven't been able to do that yet. This would be a huge boost to my situation if I sold that car. The current vehicle I am driving is 8 years old and needs work so if I sell the other car I can fix my current vehicle to run for the next few years until my credit comes back; but even when my credit comes back, I hope to save enough money to pay cash for a good used vehicle and hope not to borrow any money - I never buy new!
After this situation the best thing I can do for myself or anyone can do for themselves, is put their own money in the bank and borrow against it to start building a new credit history. I do have a couple of mortgages I am paying on that also will help, but I do hope to sell a house this year.
I have been sick since last Sunday with that horrid flu and today I'm not much better still. I did talk to my creditors the week before I got sick just to let them know I was here and waiting to settle with them.
What I have learned from this experience is that there are policies within each credit card company and you have to wait until you are at least 120 days past due before they will negotiate a settlement. I'm not 120 days past due yet, I'm only a little over 90 days and less on some cards.
This whole thing seems like it has been an eternity, probably because I saw my falling last October and have been worrying relentlessly ever since. I've made offers to two of my large accounts; one wrote to me that they were unable to settle at this point and thanked me for my good faith effort to settle this account and the other told me I was not eligible yet. So I asked the collection person what they meant by "I'm not eligible yet, did it have to be a number of days?" She said, "you've got it" and then I said, "how many days, 120 days?" and she said, "you said it", I guess we are talking in code because this is a company secret. So two weeks into April I will be 120 days on one of my accounts and I am going to make the offer and see if I am now "Eligble". I will be so glad when this is over so I can move on with my life.
I was offered a new job a few weeks ago, but had to decline because my credit is a mess and in my business, "Credit is Character"; they would not have hired me if they had seen my credit. Even after I have cleaned this mess up, I am going to have to wait until my credit score goes up before I can apply elsewhere and it will be embarrassing to explain that I was overextended and had to take this approach. With the housing market not budging, I may have to take a different job and it would probably be in sales, because I could never work in an office again and be stuck to a desk, I've been on my own for years and it's a scarey thought that I would be confined in an office cubicle.
So the saga continues and hopefully, by June, this whole thing will come to a closure. In the meantime, I hope the housing market opens up. I was unable to pay my mortgages this month and am having to use money from my debt settlement account to pay them; that is not good, I need that money to settle this mess.
I have a car I'm planning on selling and hope to take that out of storage this week and get it to a garage so he can get it repaired and put on his lot to sell for me; there has been so much snow I haven't been able to do that yet. This would be a huge boost to my situation if I sold that car. The current vehicle I am driving is 8 years old and needs work so if I sell the other car I can fix my current vehicle to run for the next few years until my credit comes back; but even when my credit comes back, I hope to save enough money to pay cash for a good used vehicle and hope not to borrow any money - I never buy new!
After this situation the best thing I can do for myself or anyone can do for themselves, is put their own money in the bank and borrow against it to start building a new credit history. I do have a couple of mortgages I am paying on that also will help, but I do hope to sell a house this year.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Think yourself out of Debt!
I have been reading a few books lately, with all this time on my hands, "The Secret", "The Total Money Makeover" and "The Success Principles" and they all elude to how your thinking can bring about your financial position.
If I reflect on my life, it is apparent that my positive thoughts did bring me to places I never dreamed possible. Although, I am in a serious financial down right now, I know in my mind that this is a temporary state for me, I know that I will work my way out of this and from what I have learned here, this will not happen in my life again. The giant sucking sound has finally quieted and I'm learning a lot of important things, like the word "no".
One of the biggest things I have learned is that "it's not the hard times that will get you, it is the good times". Just living and doing everything I wanted to do for myself and others and not thinking about the "what if". That is why I am here.
This experience has also given me time to write and I've been doing a lot of that. Working in the finance industry for over 22 years, I know about credit and how banks work, know about credit reports and how to fix them, know about many people who have settled their debts, know many people working with debt management companies and many who have filed bankruptcy. I have assisted thousands of people through the years with their credit issues by giving them information and form letters to fix their problems. All free just to help people so that someday they could buy a home and be bank worthy. I have clients I have spent years with helping them finally get into a position to buy a home.
In the last four months I have spent a lot of time thinking about starting a side business for credit repair, settlement education and other alterntives to give people the tools to handle their own problems. I've consulted with the banking and insurance commission a few times, talked to an attorney about the business and I have wrote a manual that is already over forty pages long. I hope to use my experience and the experience of my clients (all anonymous), as examples with solutions.
While going through this process I noticed a lot of predatory companies who thrive on naive people who don't understand that they don't need third parties to handle their debts and etc. In my research I did find a few companies that seemed legitimate for people who just don't have the confidence to handle their finances on their own, but it took a lot of research. I'm afraid that many people panic and don't take the time necessary to find the right company. If a person has a true hardship they can deal with their creditors and the creditors actually prefer it that way. A person just has to have enough confidence and education to know how to handle their situation.
In the state I live, debt settlement companies are not allowed, however, educating people is. I could have seminars and sell my manual with standard form letters and etc. to help clients handle their own credit issues. They could then consult with me for an additional fee which I would put on a sliding scale based on income and need.
With the new bankruptcy laws, people don't know all their options. I think this could be a very helpful service and I would interested it others thought it would be as well?
If I reflect on my life, it is apparent that my positive thoughts did bring me to places I never dreamed possible. Although, I am in a serious financial down right now, I know in my mind that this is a temporary state for me, I know that I will work my way out of this and from what I have learned here, this will not happen in my life again. The giant sucking sound has finally quieted and I'm learning a lot of important things, like the word "no".
One of the biggest things I have learned is that "it's not the hard times that will get you, it is the good times". Just living and doing everything I wanted to do for myself and others and not thinking about the "what if". That is why I am here.
This experience has also given me time to write and I've been doing a lot of that. Working in the finance industry for over 22 years, I know about credit and how banks work, know about credit reports and how to fix them, know about many people who have settled their debts, know many people working with debt management companies and many who have filed bankruptcy. I have assisted thousands of people through the years with their credit issues by giving them information and form letters to fix their problems. All free just to help people so that someday they could buy a home and be bank worthy. I have clients I have spent years with helping them finally get into a position to buy a home.
In the last four months I have spent a lot of time thinking about starting a side business for credit repair, settlement education and other alterntives to give people the tools to handle their own problems. I've consulted with the banking and insurance commission a few times, talked to an attorney about the business and I have wrote a manual that is already over forty pages long. I hope to use my experience and the experience of my clients (all anonymous), as examples with solutions.
While going through this process I noticed a lot of predatory companies who thrive on naive people who don't understand that they don't need third parties to handle their debts and etc. In my research I did find a few companies that seemed legitimate for people who just don't have the confidence to handle their finances on their own, but it took a lot of research. I'm afraid that many people panic and don't take the time necessary to find the right company. If a person has a true hardship they can deal with their creditors and the creditors actually prefer it that way. A person just has to have enough confidence and education to know how to handle their situation.
In the state I live, debt settlement companies are not allowed, however, educating people is. I could have seminars and sell my manual with standard form letters and etc. to help clients handle their own credit issues. They could then consult with me for an additional fee which I would put on a sliding scale based on income and need.
With the new bankruptcy laws, people don't know all their options. I think this could be a very helpful service and I would interested it others thought it would be as well?
Friday, February 15, 2008
Discover Card
I have had some nasty collection calls from Discover card. They call daily, sometimes seven times a day. I speak to them about once every two weeks. Two weeks ago they wanted to set me up on a hardship plan; I told them I can't make a mortgage payment right now, why would I pay a credit card. The hardship plan was 17% interest for one year, keep in mind I have had this account since the late 90's and never have had a late payment with them; this is how they treat people when they are on hard times, no wonder their default rate is so high, it's just totally unreasonable.
This week they wanted to speak to family members to see if they could help pay my minimum payment; they asked to speak to my parents. I'm assuming this is part of the collection process to wear you down. It is very upsetting, but I guess in prospective they are just doing their job. I don't intend to speak with them again until I am over 90 days past due. I have basically told them that making a minimum payment when I have barely an income coming in and am only able to pay for the necessities, would only be a bandaid on a cut that is bleeding all over the place. I further told them that I want this over with and will only settle the account since I am receiving some money and creditors that want to settle will get what I have.
So now the phone is ringing - guess what, it is Discover again, they are relentless and will do this all day even though I spoke to them yesterday. Another little thing they do is the first caller takes sympathy and then says, "Oh, let me transfer this call to someone who can stop the calls from coming" , then you get pressured by another collection agent and then they call you again an hour after you're off the phone with them.
This is why people eventually file bankruptcy, they get tired of the harassment. I told the collection agent I was trying to avoid bankruptcy and he told me go ahead and get my bankruptcy filed and give him the information, he wouldn't settle. So he's willing to get nothing ... or maybe pennies on a dollar over a five year period, if I file Chapter 13 - who is the idiot here.
This week they wanted to speak to family members to see if they could help pay my minimum payment; they asked to speak to my parents. I'm assuming this is part of the collection process to wear you down. It is very upsetting, but I guess in prospective they are just doing their job. I don't intend to speak with them again until I am over 90 days past due. I have basically told them that making a minimum payment when I have barely an income coming in and am only able to pay for the necessities, would only be a bandaid on a cut that is bleeding all over the place. I further told them that I want this over with and will only settle the account since I am receiving some money and creditors that want to settle will get what I have.
So now the phone is ringing - guess what, it is Discover again, they are relentless and will do this all day even though I spoke to them yesterday. Another little thing they do is the first caller takes sympathy and then says, "Oh, let me transfer this call to someone who can stop the calls from coming" , then you get pressured by another collection agent and then they call you again an hour after you're off the phone with them.
This is why people eventually file bankruptcy, they get tired of the harassment. I told the collection agent I was trying to avoid bankruptcy and he told me go ahead and get my bankruptcy filed and give him the information, he wouldn't settle. So he's willing to get nothing ... or maybe pennies on a dollar over a five year period, if I file Chapter 13 - who is the idiot here.
Friday, February 8, 2008
Settlement; OMG
My largest debt is with Bank of America, it is at $59,900 right now with the interest and late fees. I had a dream on Tuesday night that they were suing me for the balance. I woke up at 2:00 am and couldn't go back to sleep.
For those who been following me, you know I have that "Privacy Corp" ID machine that let's my calls go to the machine and I don't hear it ring. I thought I had all the collectors so far, programmed in. So my mother is traveling and I was concerned about her and the phone rang and I assumed it was her, well it was BOA. I had not planned to talk to them again until March because I'm not yet 90 days.
So I told them my situation, which has not changed and told them I'm looking to settle my debt. The nice gentleman I spoke with offered me a settlement of $21,000, I asked for $18,000, so he told me he would go see his manager and call me back. He called me back with bad news, they wanted $27,000, which I don't have available to me right now and it would throw off my settlement plan making me short to settle all my debts. So he hooked me up with the Manager, she thought I was threatenig her with a bankruptcy which I told her I was not, but .... that didn't go well. She then told me that if I did not settle, she was sending me to arbitration, that means legal and they make the decision to sue me or not to sue and she told me they would sue me and garnish my wages and put a lien against my house. So then she and I compromised and we finally settled at $23,000. A little more than I have right now, but she let me spread it over 4 months so my tax refund will be here and I'll have enough. That is a 38% settlement and I'll take it with the threat of being sued over me. My account was large and it is usually the large ones that get sued.
I didn't realize how much this has been bothering me, I knew it was upsetting and I thought I was dealing with it okay, but after I hung up I literally cried for an hour and then I broke down a few more times during the day. I was mentally wiped out and couldn't do much the rest of the day. I am still in shock that they settled with me and I'm so relieved that it has finally started and I was able to take care of my biggest account.
The bad news is I have $74,500 still in credit card debt to settle with four more creditors. I owe Discover $25,000 and they are they are about 70 days deliquent now and will probably be willing to talk to me in another month.I checked out my 401k plan and I can now borrow more money than they told me I could, because I've lost so much money lately, I decided to put in a loan request so I can start planning how to finish this up.
There is a God and I may survive this (knock on wood).
For those who been following me, you know I have that "Privacy Corp" ID machine that let's my calls go to the machine and I don't hear it ring. I thought I had all the collectors so far, programmed in. So my mother is traveling and I was concerned about her and the phone rang and I assumed it was her, well it was BOA. I had not planned to talk to them again until March because I'm not yet 90 days.
So I told them my situation, which has not changed and told them I'm looking to settle my debt. The nice gentleman I spoke with offered me a settlement of $21,000, I asked for $18,000, so he told me he would go see his manager and call me back. He called me back with bad news, they wanted $27,000, which I don't have available to me right now and it would throw off my settlement plan making me short to settle all my debts. So he hooked me up with the Manager, she thought I was threatenig her with a bankruptcy which I told her I was not, but .... that didn't go well. She then told me that if I did not settle, she was sending me to arbitration, that means legal and they make the decision to sue me or not to sue and she told me they would sue me and garnish my wages and put a lien against my house. So then she and I compromised and we finally settled at $23,000. A little more than I have right now, but she let me spread it over 4 months so my tax refund will be here and I'll have enough. That is a 38% settlement and I'll take it with the threat of being sued over me. My account was large and it is usually the large ones that get sued.
I didn't realize how much this has been bothering me, I knew it was upsetting and I thought I was dealing with it okay, but after I hung up I literally cried for an hour and then I broke down a few more times during the day. I was mentally wiped out and couldn't do much the rest of the day. I am still in shock that they settled with me and I'm so relieved that it has finally started and I was able to take care of my biggest account.
The bad news is I have $74,500 still in credit card debt to settle with four more creditors. I owe Discover $25,000 and they are they are about 70 days deliquent now and will probably be willing to talk to me in another month.I checked out my 401k plan and I can now borrow more money than they told me I could, because I've lost so much money lately, I decided to put in a loan request so I can start planning how to finish this up.
There is a God and I may survive this (knock on wood).
Sunday, February 3, 2008
A View on Collection Calls
I am in enormous debt as you can read from my prior post. The Feds are lowering the rates and I'm starting to see some slow activity in my business. However, it is confusing, one day the 30 year rate drops to 5.75% and then the next it is back to 6.125%, customers don't want to lock in because they think the rates are going down and I fear it's going to excite the market and make the rates go up. One customer accused me of not giving them my best rate after the rate jumped ... this gets very stressful and I just wish they would lock when they see what we have at application ... it's a gamble and if I knew what was going to happen, I'd be rich!
Even though I'm seeing some activity and maybe my income will increase, I'm overextended, behind on all my credit cards and have rates up to 29.99% with about $80 a month in extra fees on each card and there are 8 of them, with five creditors involved. There is no way I can recover from this without settling my accounts, my credit card payments were $2,500 a month when this started and now they are at $4,000, the debt is climbing. I don't even bring home that amount after tax and I still have two houses to deal with and two car loans, my cars are almost paid and we need both cars for work. So I will continue my plan to settle and clean up what I can. I'm figuring by April I may be able to take care of the first creditor.
In the meantime, my phone rings about 12 times a day from three of the creditors, not all of them are calling yet, I still have two more that will be calling soon. So I decide to talk to one about 10 days ago, we go over my situation for about the fourth time since this all started, I hang up the phone and they call four more times that night. Do they think a miracle occurred and I instantly found wealth? The fact is this is legal harassment, they try to wear you down with the calls. What they don't know is I purchased a machine that makes the calls go right to the answering machine and they don't ring in my house, so I can pick up the calls when I choose. I will not talk to anyone for another month, it is too depressing and it ruins the rest of my day. I don't feel it is necessary to talk weekly, things like this don't change quickly. I also have the option of sending them a cease and desist to not call my home, however, sometimes that will accelerate the sitution right to a lawyer, so the machine is on and I stopped looking at the ID to see who has been calling, the creditors are programmed so family and friends can ring through. The caller ID machine is called "Privacy Corp" and it was the best thing I could do for my sanity through this.
In over 20 years I never missed a payment, this is all a learning experience for me. I have my fingers crossed that I will have settled all my credit card debt by August and I have been saving everything I can. I've looked at hardship ideas and debt consolidation and etc., but that would be a bandaid for this serious situation that is bleeding all over the place. I've consulted with a Bankruptcy Attorney who has encouraged me to file, but I just want this over and I'll give what I can and what the creditors feel is acceptable. They will get more money from me this way then through bankruptcy.
Even though I'm seeing some activity and maybe my income will increase, I'm overextended, behind on all my credit cards and have rates up to 29.99% with about $80 a month in extra fees on each card and there are 8 of them, with five creditors involved. There is no way I can recover from this without settling my accounts, my credit card payments were $2,500 a month when this started and now they are at $4,000, the debt is climbing. I don't even bring home that amount after tax and I still have two houses to deal with and two car loans, my cars are almost paid and we need both cars for work. So I will continue my plan to settle and clean up what I can. I'm figuring by April I may be able to take care of the first creditor.
In the meantime, my phone rings about 12 times a day from three of the creditors, not all of them are calling yet, I still have two more that will be calling soon. So I decide to talk to one about 10 days ago, we go over my situation for about the fourth time since this all started, I hang up the phone and they call four more times that night. Do they think a miracle occurred and I instantly found wealth? The fact is this is legal harassment, they try to wear you down with the calls. What they don't know is I purchased a machine that makes the calls go right to the answering machine and they don't ring in my house, so I can pick up the calls when I choose. I will not talk to anyone for another month, it is too depressing and it ruins the rest of my day. I don't feel it is necessary to talk weekly, things like this don't change quickly. I also have the option of sending them a cease and desist to not call my home, however, sometimes that will accelerate the sitution right to a lawyer, so the machine is on and I stopped looking at the ID to see who has been calling, the creditors are programmed so family and friends can ring through. The caller ID machine is called "Privacy Corp" and it was the best thing I could do for my sanity through this.
In over 20 years I never missed a payment, this is all a learning experience for me. I have my fingers crossed that I will have settled all my credit card debt by August and I have been saving everything I can. I've looked at hardship ideas and debt consolidation and etc., but that would be a bandaid for this serious situation that is bleeding all over the place. I've consulted with a Bankruptcy Attorney who has encouraged me to file, but I just want this over and I'll give what I can and what the creditors feel is acceptable. They will get more money from me this way then through bankruptcy.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Crock Pot Chili with Humor
I couldn't sleep again tonight so I got up and decided to cook up a fast batch of my signature chili. It's cold out today and I thought it would be nice to have something hot and a little spicy to eat, so here it is:
1 lb. ground beef
2 19 oz. cans red kidney bean
1 29 oz. large can tomato puree
1 14 oz. can cubed tomato chunks
1 t. garlic powder
1 t. black pepper
1 T. salt
1 T. oregano
1 T. Basil
1 t. cloves
1/2 t. red pepper flakes
1/2 cup brown sugar
Brown the ground beef in a pan and drain off the fat, put the ground beef into your crock pot, add all other ingredients and let simmer for two hours and its ready to serve, sprinkle some shredded cheddar cheese on top if you like and serve with rolls. It's a delicious and hearty meal.
I guess what made me start to crave some chili is a recent joke that I found on one of the forums. My chili is not from Texas and obviously will not compare because it is tasty and mild in spice, but you need to read this joke and see what could happen.
A Texas Chili Contest
Warning - If you can read this whole story without laughing out loud, then there's no hope for you.
Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a chili cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio city park.
The notes are from an inexperienced chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.
Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cooking contest. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted." Here are the scorecards from the advent: (Frank is Judge #3)
Chili # 1 Eddie's Maniac Monster Chili...
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick
.Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 -- (Frank) What the hell is this stuff?! You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put out the flames. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy!
Chili # 2 Austin's Afterburner Chili...
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.Judge
# 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor; needs more peppers to be taken seriously.Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
Chili # 3 Ronny's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili...
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.Judge # 2 -- A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.Judge
# 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting pie-eyed from all of the beer...
Chili # 4 Dave's Black Magic...
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.Judge
# 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish, or other mild foods; not much of a chili.Judge
# 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb. woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
Chili # 5 Lisa's Legal Lip Remover..
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili, Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.Judge
# 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
# 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.
Chili # 6 Pam's Very Vegetarian Variety...
Judge # 1 -- Thin, yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
# 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
# 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I pooped on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair! No one seems inclined to stand behind me anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.
Chili # 7 Carla's Screaming Sensation Chili...
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
# 2 -- Ho-hum; tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress, as he is cursing uncontrollably.Judge # #3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing; it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
Chili # 8 Karen's Toenail Curling Chili...
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold, but spicy enough to declare its existence.
# 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild, nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 farted, passed out, fell over, and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Well now I'm ready to start my day. Have a great one.
1 lb. ground beef
2 19 oz. cans red kidney bean
1 29 oz. large can tomato puree
1 14 oz. can cubed tomato chunks
1 t. garlic powder
1 t. black pepper
1 T. salt
1 T. oregano
1 T. Basil
1 t. cloves
1/2 t. red pepper flakes
1/2 cup brown sugar
Brown the ground beef in a pan and drain off the fat, put the ground beef into your crock pot, add all other ingredients and let simmer for two hours and its ready to serve, sprinkle some shredded cheddar cheese on top if you like and serve with rolls. It's a delicious and hearty meal.
I guess what made me start to crave some chili is a recent joke that I found on one of the forums. My chili is not from Texas and obviously will not compare because it is tasty and mild in spice, but you need to read this joke and see what could happen.
A Texas Chili Contest
Warning - If you can read this whole story without laughing out loud, then there's no hope for you.
Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a chili cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio city park.
The notes are from an inexperienced chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.
Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cooking contest. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted." Here are the scorecards from the advent: (Frank is Judge #3)
Chili # 1 Eddie's Maniac Monster Chili...
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick
.Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 -- (Frank) What the hell is this stuff?! You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put out the flames. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy!
Chili # 2 Austin's Afterburner Chili...
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.Judge
# 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor; needs more peppers to be taken seriously.Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
Chili # 3 Ronny's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili...
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.Judge # 2 -- A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.Judge
# 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting pie-eyed from all of the beer...
Chili # 4 Dave's Black Magic...
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.Judge
# 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish, or other mild foods; not much of a chili.Judge
# 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb. woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
Chili # 5 Lisa's Legal Lip Remover..
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili, Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.Judge
# 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
# 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.
Chili # 6 Pam's Very Vegetarian Variety...
Judge # 1 -- Thin, yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
# 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
# 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I pooped on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair! No one seems inclined to stand behind me anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.
Chili # 7 Carla's Screaming Sensation Chili...
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
# 2 -- Ho-hum; tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress, as he is cursing uncontrollably.Judge # #3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing; it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
Chili # 8 Karen's Toenail Curling Chili...
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold, but spicy enough to declare its existence.
# 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild, nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 farted, passed out, fell over, and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Well now I'm ready to start my day. Have a great one.
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